Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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