Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
