i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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