If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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