I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
