When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
