piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have demons in me.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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