I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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