Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
