Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
