I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
