The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
