Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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