I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I still have a little drunk in my system
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
