we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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