you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
