On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
