think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
