when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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