420 ftw
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
