She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
don't judge my taste in strippers
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
