i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize