I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im holly from the hills drunk
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
