I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
