I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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