I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
everyone is single if you try hard enough
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
