I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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