Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
