Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
