I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
