Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
