____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
