Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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