I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
