the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
