did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
