words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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