"it" just moved
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
