I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
