Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
