the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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