Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize