So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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