Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
