Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
