cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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