ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
