and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
