matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
