So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
