Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
