he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
you win again, gameday.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
