My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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