I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
