Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
