Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
