as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The air was thick with penises
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
