If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
