Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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