So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You took a bar mat shot.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
