this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
