I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I want to be your penis for a week.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
