Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
