She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
