He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize