I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm too high and old for this...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize