This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
