In the future we'll all be gay
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
