At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
