wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
