pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
