how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Buhtt sex?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
