Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
