yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize